Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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