I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
