Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
