U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
