you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
