And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
