I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
