Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
