I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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