Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
