i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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