oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
