saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
