i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
