when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
