those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize