I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
