we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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