Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
