At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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