I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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