between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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