Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
