No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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