dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
