Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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