I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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