Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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