I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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