She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
