first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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