Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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