I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
