I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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