Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
