I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
