So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
