so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize