yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
