In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
