If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Say something about gay babies.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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