Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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