Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
