Plan B is the new Plan A
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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