Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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