Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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