Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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