I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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