Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
