I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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