We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
