I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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