6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
