I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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