He asked me if I "almost moaned"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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