I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
