I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
