probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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