So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
