pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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