Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
