this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
