Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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