3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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