I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
