I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
