He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
