someone threw a dead crab at me
I think I am morally bankrupt
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
