There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
