ADVERTISEMENT

• (313): View more from Michigan

  They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Something like a penis light saber.

  Fav 12 2573 966

  share tweet
  

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed

  Fav 20 5302 1461

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.

  Fav 28 5342 1283

  share tweet
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.

  Fav 48 874 5328

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Fav 51 24994 2236

  share tweet
  

• (765): View more from Indiana

  The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor

  Fav 7 2841 1076

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (770): View more from Georgia

  Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.

  Fav 9 2086 1329

  share tweet
  

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.

  Fav 1 827 1181

  share tweet
  

• (317): View more from Indiana

  Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?

  Fav 8 1899 841

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (706): View more from Georgia

  after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.

  Fav 3 2698 887

  share tweet
  

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.

  Fav 4 2759 1364

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (907): View more from Alaska

  Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent

  Fav 8 1550 866

  share tweet
  

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship

  Fav 1 1039 664

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit

  Fav 1 756 431

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (213): View more from California

  I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.

  Fav 0 221 140

  share tweet
  

Randomize