somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I AM VODKA MAN
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I licked your asshole in confidence.