They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
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after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.