I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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