just tell him i said nine months
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.