you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch