it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.