I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
