69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again