if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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