dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
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Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.